WHILE the recent video on maids has been accused of shaming women who apparently know their own children less well than their maids do ("Video to get maids a day off ends up riling mums"; last Saturday), it has achieved its objective if it provokes parents to do some soul-searching about their dependence on others to raise their children.
The fact is that young children naturally bond with those who spend the most time with them.
Therefore, it is not surprising that some children might be closer to the maid or childcare teacher, with whom they spend the majority of their waking hours, than their own parents.
The parents may have numerous good reasons for their absence. But to the child, all that matters is that they are not there. With children, there is no such thing as "quality time", only time.
The young child spontaneously shares his thoughts with whoever is around at the time.
His secrets and developmental milestones do not wait for his parents to return home from work.
Yet, the picture is not all bleak. Social science research shows that children are capable of forming strong bonds with more than one or two caregivers.
It would be disastrous if the video provoked insecure parents to replace their child's caregivers frequently to stop him from bonding with them.
Loving "Auntie" (the maid) does not mean loving Mummy and Daddy less - as long as parents make the effort to spend enough time with the child and participate in his care, rather than delegate supposedly menial tasks, like feeding and toileting, to the maid.
Parents should also establish a good relationship with the maid so that she keeps them updated on what the child says and does in their absence.
Child-rearing is a partnership that requires all caregivers to trust and respect one another.
Families should also avoid becoming too dependent on the maid - they could give her a day off a week and go out by themselves.
It is quite common to see maids accompanying families in malls and restaurants, feeding and entertaining the young children while the adults amuse themselves.
Some maids are even made to carry pre-schoolers who are glued to their electronic gadgets.
As a result, the child still does not communicate with his parents, even though they are present.
We need to have an open discussion about how the dependence on paid caregiving affects the parent-child relationship in Singapore.
This is not about shaming working mothers but, rather, putting the child's needs first.
Estella Young (Ms)
